Growing old gracefully
Recently I had gone to a function where I was pleased to meet my old friends. Many of them were retired. One of my friends attracted my attention and made me ponder over him even after I returned home. The character in my friend which attracted me was his joyous nature and easy- going mind. He never had any sort of reservation in his behavior as I have at certain times and hence mixed freely with all the age groups there. He was dancing with a two year old girl, shared balloons with a ten year old boy, chatted with young men and women and discussed philosophy with aged people -thus taking many roles at a time. In other words he was the centre of attraction in that function. I was just looking at him with wonder and awe. Seeing appreciation in my eyes, laughing widely, he gave a cryptic statement: “Though I am retired, I am not tired.” His words made me ruminate over it again and again. I was in the same function- hall even after I came home.
It is but natural that anybody will become moody in old age. Losing vigor and strength on one hand, the other thing which makes a person abhor old age is his loss of beauty and strength. The sloka utterd by sage Shankaracharya in ‘Bhaja GOvindam’describes the pitiable condition of an old man. Anybody who reads this sloka is sure to be afraid of old age, especially if he is materialistic.
angam galitam palitam mundam
dashana vihInam jAtam tunDam
vRudhdhO yAti gRuhItwA danDam
tadapi na munchatyAshA pinDam
Yes, the main reason for our denial of old age is that we will be debarred of certain things which we loved very much in our younger days. We are not able to enjoy material life as we did when we were young. But we are not ready to accept the fact. But, here, the very essential thing which every one ought to know is the fact that this is a phase in everybody’s life and it can never be delayed or stopped. Then, isn’t it wise to compromise with the inevitable and lead a happy life?
The very first thing we have to understand is the fact that ageing is the process which affects the body but not the mind. There are number of instances who are physically aged but mentally young, ever young. Morarji Desai, our old prime minister,when he was eighty, was saying that he was twenty years old. Previous President of India, Dr. Abdul Kalam, after completing his tenure as the President of India is happy in rendering his service as the lecturer for Engineering students in Aeronatics. Apart from that he will be always busy with meeting students and inspiring them to learn more and more.
For all this the very first thing we have to do is to take care of our mind which is the pivot on which our life rotates. We have to keep it young which many times keeps the body also fit. What can we do for this? We can indulge ourselves in learning new things about which we could not have concentrated so far. We can learn music, painting, dramatic skills etc, whatever we are inclined to do. These days computer is playing major role in life. There is no end at all for the improvement we have to achieve in this field. It does not matter whether we were exposed for all these things in our earlier days or not. There may be a sudden splash in our minds which will be a boon for us in case we follow it and hold it tight. Recently a friend of mine learnt car driving at her 58th year. Definitely it has boosted her confidence and also her potential.
We can visit places of pilgrimage and also picnic spots and enjoy. Photography is a very good hobby which will make these moments everfresh. The person who has aesthetic sense may draw beautiful pictures, the man with poetic heart may compose good poems, a singer may immortalize what he has seen with his songs. We can find pleasure in gardening which is also a good physical exercise.
There are some people who find pleasure in writing. Mr. Khushwanth Singh, a well known journalist, whose age is 95, recently had told that he will give up writing as his age will not permit him any more. But after struggling to be idle for one or two months, he returned back to his favourite art. “I am afraid my age will not permit me to write as I did in my young age, but I am sure I would die instantly if I don’t write.” Age was not a bar for Milton who wrote his famous epics ‘Paradise lost’ and ‘Paradise regained’ in his old age, that too when he had lost his eyesight. Sri. Sediyapu Krishna Bhatta, a well known Kannada writer , could not write on his own because of failure of eye sight due to old age, but dictated the book on prosody to his disciple who took charge of publishing also.(Sediyapu Chandassamputa).
Why, I have come across such people in my everyday life who are always ideal for me. My mother-in-law, who is eighty years old, though her eyesight is poor, shows interest in embroidery and knitting. Of course, she can not compete with the professionals, but her interest in it makes me wonder. My grand father, who was ninety five years old,whose eye sight was poor to the extent that he was not able to recognize things even in proximity, whose memory failed him even to recognize his kith and kin found pleasure in reading books till his last moment. My uncle, who is seventy four years old recently bagged four or five prizes in some singing competition with his Mohammad Rafi voice.
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Once we cross middle age, we feel the most important part of our life is over and that we are already experiencing some disease which is sure to catch people in their old age. We make a hell of even a small thing and attribute everything to old age. I am sorry to say, we are nothing but welcoming old age. Here I remember my grand ma, who was ninety two years old. She was on her death bed when I went to visit her in the last. A nurse came to her and suctioned a tube full of blood from her veins. I was spectator of this and naturally I felt the pain in my veins at that time! I slowly asked my grand ma: ‘Is it paining, grand ma?’ The most unexpected answer came to me from my dear grand ma: ‘Aye, how can it pain me? Such things will be there, we have to ignore them!" This is the height of will power. I am very sad to say, in a matter of three or four days she expired.
Yes, we have to develop that sort of will power where we will never become weak, where we will never lose our energy and vigor, and where we will never fail to reach our target. Nothing will block us from doing the things we want to do. Poor eye sight or faltering fingers or thumping heart will not stop us from doing the work where we find pleasure. We have to remember one thing- what we do will be purely for our own sake. Doing everything just to please others will not help at any age and particularly at old age because our hobbies will bring solace for us, no doubt, but others may not have time to spare for us or may not have interest in our pursuits! Only some people, a very small fraction of people get the appreciation of others also for the work they are doing in old age. But these are the lucky people who are already on the top of the ladder of success. But, any how, working for our happiness where we are getting some personal satisfaction and contentment is the first requisite here.
If we are able to achieve this, naturally every morning will be a pleasant one with some promise. We have our own dream. We have set our own goal. There is no limit for the dreams we see. We may go beyond the skies. Let it bring monitary beneft or not, let it be useful to others or not, if it is able to bring a smile on the face and solace to the soul we have to continue it as it is the source of elixir for life. Definitely this will rejuvenate the dying cells in our body and helps us regain health.
Thus the will power, the active mind, the capacity to dream (not in the night!) will keep us mentally young. If we have pure heart added this, we will really be angels upon earth. Then where is the need to worry about the body?
“What made you call me AUNTY ? Do I look like that? I am not even thirty five. How is it that you call me aunty!”- A lady was branding a poor girl who was almost in tears for the severe(!) mistake she did. No doubt the gathering was looking at the girl with sympathy and at the lady with contempt. This should not be our behavior in the public. We have to accept our condition some times and we have to behave accordingly.
Then, another major conflict arises for many old people. "Have we to go to the birthday party the young ones have arranged or not? Can we be lively in the new year party they have arranged? Won’t they feel bad for the presence of this old face? Have I totalk there or not? Can I dance there or sit in a corner? How can I move with the youngsters without irritating them or presenting myself as a joker or bafoon? Will I be like a fish out of pond?" Dancing for some rock music when there is pain in the knee will result in more disastrous drama if the person falls down! It is like playing jazz music on the tower of a cathedral! Who is responsible if the person falls and breaks his bones while trekking at the age of seventees? Hence we have to find a via-media way so that without damaging ourselves we use our limbs to their maximum extent. We must take live and active part in the gatherings and we should also be careful enough to maintain our dignity.
Here I remember the story of Chitragriva, the old pigeon who is also the leader of his group. He will advice the pigeons that it is not possible to find rice in forest. But the pigeons will not listen to his words and land in the forest. They are caught in the net. At this crucial moment Chitragriva guides them to be united and carry the net and fly in the air together so that the hunter will not catch them. This is an eye-opener for any youngster.
Some old people think that they have to change their style just to please the youngsters. They are afraid that their own children may call them out-dated. A son or daughter loves his father/mother not seeing his/her physical beauty, but the very blood brings nearness and togetherness in them. A relative or friend, kith or kin will come to us not because of our costly costumes or glittering jewels or heavy makeup but because there is something more between us to reciprocate. Thus, we should have that extra something which is needed for everybody to live in a society. This something is nothing but love, pure love which will surpass all other physical deformities.
But, this does not mean we have to neglect our physical appearance. We have to be neat and smart which is the sign of civilization. Otherwise we will be nothing but loathsome creatures whom people will drive away as they cannot tolerate. God has blessed us with human body. We are above animals. So we have to keep it fit and perfect which is our duty. Heavy make –up need not be there but decent dress is a must for any person. If a person is looking young naturally it is really a compliment. But he is nothing but a buffoon if one is too much inclined towards artificial beauty aids. People just mock him behind his back.
One final word, once we cross middle age and march ahead, gradually the fear of death catch hold of us. But it is not in our hand to stop it. Then, why to worry? The Almighty who is above will take care of it. If we are doing justice here then that is enough to produce our record in front of Him also. Let us not bother about that secret of His rule but let us be good. In Raghuvamsha of Kalidasa, Aja maharaja sees a grey hair in his sidelocks and decides to celebrate the crowning ceremony of his son Aja, so that he can go for Vanaprastha. But, now, in this modern age, we need not go for Vanaprastha(The fact that there are no forests is different!). We have to live like rajarshis amidst the booming and zooming new world. Our lives should be like the water drops on the lotus-leaf.
‘I will drink life to the lees.’These are the lines of ‘Ulysses’ (Alfred Lord Tennison) which were uttered by Ulysses who was aged to encourage his friends to sail in the sea. The poet gives a contrast of his son Telemachus who, though young wants enjoy material life in his town! We should follow Ulysses and enjoy the nector of life to its last drop but not like Telemachus who is satisfied with the existing happiness.
Let the pursuit never end. Let us do something interesting.Let us achieve something great. Let us fulfill the desire of God who has given this birth for us. Let us thank him for the same by being happy.
